作文修改例解:教師的責(zé)任
來(lái)源：
小編： 21一篇考雅思的學(xué)生發(fā)給我的作文，要求修改，里面出現(xiàn)的問(wèn)題請(qǐng)各位注意！
文章修改過(guò)程中用到了很多課上所講的句式和表達(dá)，希望大家能夠熟練使用和掌握！
Topic:
Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students how to judge right and wrong and how to behave well, some say that teachers should only teach students about academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
原文：
As a result of the responsibility of a teacher,One side argument is they orght to teach the students how to distinguish right and wrong and how to be a human being well.the other side view is they should solely teach students about academic konwledges.In the following paraguaphs I will discuss each argument.
First,teaching konwledges is a initial responsibility of a teacher.they should make every student learned various konwledges and the methods of how to study. When the students are studying in the primary school,they do not know anything about different subjuct. A good teacher should have the ability of how to guide the students to study and improve the attention of students increasingly paying to the various subject.
On the other hand, apart from academic knowledges the students also need other skills. It is necessary that the teacher taught the students how to realise everything of the society, such as teammork,uderstanding each other, helping someone when he or she needs, in addition,the teacher also need teach the students how to solre the problems they meet, and how to face the difficult time and so forth.
In conclution,Teacher plays a significant role in Education of students. The academic knowledges and social skills were learned through the teachers. Thus, They should not only teach varions knowledges, but teach every social technologies as well.
整體點(diǎn)評(píng)：
原文問(wèn)題包括：
1.簡(jiǎn)單的語(yǔ)法和表達(dá)錯(cuò)誤
2.論證過(guò)程邏輯混亂
3.沒(méi)有完成寫作任務(wù)之中的：state personal view
4.語(yǔ)言，尤其是句式的變化有待提高
針對(duì)以上問(wèn)題，建議：
1. 在寫作之前：按照課上多講“先結(jié)構(gòu)、后句式”的審題順序?qū)⑽恼陆Y(jié)構(gòu)安排合理。
2. 日常的寫作練習(xí)中強(qiáng)化單句寫作的能力：即，一種意思能用兩種以上表達(dá)方式進(jìn)行寫作
3. 寫完整篇文章之后：務(wù)必檢查：?jiǎn)螐?fù)數(shù)、拼寫等無(wú)憂雅思網(wǎng)1?%
修改版：
As to the responsibility of teachers, one argument is that they should solely teach students about academic subjects. While, the other view is that they ought to teach the students how to distinguish right from wrong, and how to be a human being well. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss the above opinions and state my personal view.
(點(diǎn)評(píng)：所出現(xiàn)錯(cuò)誤均為簡(jiǎn)單語(yǔ)法和拼寫錯(cuò)誤,還有句子銜接出現(xiàn)問(wèn)題. 觀點(diǎn)的順序需要與下文順序一致)
People who hold the first view argue that teaching about academic subjects is an essential responsibility for any teacher. From their point of view, a qualified teacher should not only make every student acquire the knowledge, but also learn how to learn independently. Take students in the primary school as an example, most pupils do not know anything about their subjects. Therefore, a good teacher should have the ability to guide the students to study and inspire their interests on this field. Only in this way can students become independent in their future and further study.
問(wèn)題：首句為主題句，應(yīng)言簡(jiǎn)意賅。之后應(yīng)該就此深入展開。
學(xué)習(xí)知識(shí)：acquire/gain knowledge
注意舉例恰當(dāng):例子要支持自己的觀點(diǎn)，是觀點(diǎn)的展開
On the other hand, others hold the opinion that apart from academic subjects, teachers need to teach students about how to tell right from wrong, and how to behave well. They believe that by doing so, students can easily adapt to the society where they may be confronted with various choices, including both the good and the bad. In class time, a teacher’s peoper behaviors, attitudes and comments on social issues will absolutely set good examples for students. Accordingly, students can develop their correct philosophy of life, and meantime they build up the indispensible quality, such as teamwork, tolerance, perserverence. In this way, the students can learn how to solve the problems they meet, and how to face the difficult time and so forth.
3段：采用總分總結(jié)構(gòu)闡述第二個(gè)觀點(diǎn)：注意觀點(diǎn)的安排上，贊成的觀點(diǎn)一般放在后面且論述稍長(zhǎng)。
Taking into account the above analysis, I prefer the second view. What makes me convinced is that the ultimate goal of education is to server the development of the society. From my point of view, only those people, who are quipped with not only knowledge, but proper behavior and the ability to tell right from wrong, can shoulder the responsibility of constructing society.
文章尾段完成任務(wù)：總結(jié)上文，表明自己觀點(diǎn)，簡(jiǎn)要說(shuō)明原因。
